Need You Now
by PCGirl
Summary: After the kisses in the cabin, Natalie makes a decision which pulls her further into Mitch Laurence's web. Can John save her before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Story starts right after the cabin scenes in February. Sorry it's taken me so long to post here. Hope you enjoy. Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

John nodded at Lois as she let him into Llanfair and motioned him towards the parlor where he found Natalie sitting with her legs tucked underneath her as she sipped on some hot tea and stared out the back patio windows, "Hey—how are you doing?" he asked while taking note of what visible injuries she had left, the bruising on her forehead had gone away since he saw her last week.

He hadn't had an excuse to avoid her for the past week—just knew it was better for both of them if she recovered without him being around. He went with needing to see Brody to come here today—he didn't need to see him, but if it got him into Llanfair then he knew he might run into her.

"Fine—was just thinking maybe it would have been better if you'd let me go be with Jared when I was trapped in that car."

The tone of her voice stopped him from proceeding any further into the room, "Excuse me?"

"I was ready John—I'm tired of living without the only man that I ever loved and was ready to go be with him. Why else would I have pictured you were him?"

He wasn't sure which part hurt worse—her willing to just give up on that mountainside or that she just said Jared was the only man she ever loved. The later bit harder than the memory of the bitter cold that night when he thought the only way she'd fight to live was thinking he was Jared.

"You'll get through this-you are tough."

A harsh laugh came out of her mouth, "Like you did with Caitlyn? How long did it take you to get over it?"

"That's the difference between you and me-you have a support system that won't let you continue on like I did."

"I suppose. Why did you come anyways?"

John shrugged, "Needed to talk to Brody. Thought I'd see how you were doing."

"Or make sure I don't go searching out Mitch and do my own vigilante justice on him."

"I didn't say that."

"You don't have to-I know you John. Do you know the difference between you and Jared? The difference is he loved me unconditionally—no matter what I did—or how stupid it might be, he loved me and understood why I did it. You never could do that John—you never could let me do it my way without being irritated and treating me like a child instead of your equal. That's why we broke up—that's why I will forever choose Jared over you."

John stood there—half dumbfounded, half heart broken at what she said. He didn't want to say something he couldn't take back later, because he knew eventually this, along with everything else, would be discussed and smoothed out. Instead he spoke calmly before turning and walking out, "Fine. Hope you and your ghost live happily ever after."

-

"Hey-are you ok?" asked Jessica as she walked down the steps into the kitchen to see Natalie sitting there at the table.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be," she said as she looked at her twin and saw something.

"Lois told me John was here and she heard shouting-just figured he told you the news and you two got in an argument."

"Told me what?"

"Oh. Nevermind. I was thinking of taking Bree to the park-do you want to come?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"Don't do that Jess-don't start to think I know something and then change the subject when it's obvious I don't. What do you think John could have told me that would have started an argument between us?"

She sighed as she slipped into the chair next to her sister, "I saw Marty when I had my check-up earlier. She's pregnant."

"Oh," said Natalie as she took the information in and pushed some stray hair behind her ear. "I'm happy for John and her. I'm glad they smoothed everything over about what happened at the mountain."

"Yeah, about that-what did happen?"

Natalie smiled, "Now it's my turn to change the subject. All that happened up there was Brody got to you before Mitch got to make his sick plan a reality-whatever it was. If we'd only caught him in the process."

"All I can keep thinking of is how he's not done-Mitch doesn't stop til he gets his way."

"And when he tries we'll be ready for him," she said as she put a reassuring hand over her sister's.

"I know-Brody keeps telling me I'm safe again, but I keep going over the past few months. Like how he got you and Rex to go to Napa so easily. He has all these minions and we could meet them anywhere and never know it until it's too late."

-

She pulled into the parking lot and sat there for a moment-it had been Jessica's comment that had got her thinking. At the time it had meant nothing, and after Jared's death she hadn't wanted to relive all the moments that lead to his death. But he'd told her something-told her he'd never been here. There was only one explanation as to who put the bogus Napa information on there and she decided she'd confront him. Give him what he wanted and maybe he'd leave her family alone.

Natalie walked into the hotel and was glad to see he was at the desk—if she had to stay a night here and wait on him she might begin to second guess herself, or they'd start to wonder where she was and start looking. She had to make this all right—had to find someway to keep her family safe, and this was how it had to be—well, she'd live with it or create a cocoon in order to do so.

"Hi, how can I help you? Did you ever find your husband?" he asked, recognizing her after months. She wondered if Mitch expected her to do this—to come to him in order to keep him away from Jessica, Rex, and both her mom's.

"I want you to call the Messenger, I want you to tell him I'm ready to negotiate."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not dumb. I know my husband was never here before—I know you were put into this hotel so when my brother and I showed up you led us right into his trap. Well, game over—he wins—now call him and tell him I said that."

While she stood there and watched him on his cell phone she remembered something Rex had said that night they were looking for Jared—how in order to disappear you'd practically have to drop off the grid. And she wondered—just how far off the grid was she going to fall. And in the end—would it really matter?


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey boss," said John as Bo walked into Rodi's.

"Hey. When was the last time you talked to Natalie?" he asked before getting into a seat at the bar.

John's smirk was enough of an answer-he knew she'd gone on vacation, or at least that's what Brody had told him. He wondered if she was ok, but had figured it wasn't his business at the moment. He had his conversation planned for when she walked back into Rodi's-knew exactly what he wanted to tell her. She'd helped him stop pining over Caitlyn. And he was damned sure that she wouldn't spend the next 7 years doing the same over Jared.

"It was before she left-why?"

"Vicki called me earlier. Natalie's car was found abandoned on the highway in Danville, Illinois. Now if I'm not mistaken wasn't that where her and Rex were given the bogus information about Napa? What was the name of that place?"

"The Lakeside Inn," said John and began to think of any reason she would going there. He'd been imagining she was at the ranch in Texas or shopping in London-somewhere safe, near family and loved ones until she was ready to come back home. "How did we hear she was going on vacation anyways? I mean I heard it from Brody-but where did he learn it from?"

"Jessica. She sent her a letter saying she was going on vacation-needed to get away. I asked Jessica if she still had the letter and she said no-couldn't remember where it was mailed from even."

John figured she'd lie to Jessica-if it was something dangerous she knew her sister would blab. But there was one person she had trouble lying to-moreso than even him. "Did you see if she sent one to Rex?"

"Not yet-was thinking you might want to do that honor though. Since he sees me as a father-figure he might not tell me the whole truth," said Bo as he took a handful of peanuts and watched his friend nod his head in agreement.

* * *

John knocked on the door hard enough he was sure his reason for being there was known before Rex opened the door, "What's up?"

"Where's Natalie?" he asked and let himself into the house.

"Sure-come right on in, John," said Rex as he closed the door behind him. "Why would I know where Natalie is? And why do you care? Don't you have a knocked up girlfriend, who happens to be in a high risk pregnancy, to take care of?"

John ignored everything in what Rex said after the first question, Marty was nowhere near his thoughts at the moment-only Natalie. "Don't lie to me Balsom. She sent you a letter just like she sent Jessica one, only difference is yours told the truth. So where is it?"

"I threw it out."

"Again with the lying-what's with you? I thought she meant something to you."

"Excuse me? I'm not the person she spent years pining for only to be thrown out like an old pair of shoes."

"I-it wasn't like that," he said, feeling slightly ashamed at the way he treated Natalie in the past-a feeling he constantly felt when he saw how happy Jared made her before his death.

"Then what was it?"

"This isn't the time for past personal issues between your sister and me-where is the letter?" he asked as he got directly into Rex's face.

"Fine," he said as he pushed off from John and went to the desk in the living room, pulling out an evelope and handing it over to John. "Happy?"

John just smirked as he read the letter,

_Rex,_

By the time you read this I'll be with Mitch. I decided I can't let him terrorize our family anymore so I'm going to meet him and giving him an ultimatum. If he'll leave the family alone for good then I'll marry him and have his child. I figured out that the clerk at the hotel was one of his disciples-Jared told me before he died he'd never been there so it only makes sense.

Don't try and find me Rex-this is the best for everyone. Besides-I don't have much else to live for without Jared.

Love always,

Nattie

John felt his blood begin to boil at reading her words-to go into the lion's den knowing full well what to expect infuriated him. "And you didn't think of showing this earlier?"

"I've been looking, but haven't come up with much. The man has a way of disappearing and making it so no one can find him."

John sighed, he wouldn't let her throw her life away-not even if she felt it was protecting her family, "And yet you still didn't have the brains to contact the authorities instead of playing PI," he said as he folded the letter back up and put it in his jacket.

"Fine, I screwed up-What can I do to help?"

"You've done enough-and you better start praying he hasn't touched a hair on her head."

* * *

"Ok-I'll met you there around 8," said John as he wrote down an address and turned to see his apartment door open and Marty walk in. "Thanks again, Randy-yeah, I owe you."

"Hey-going somewhere?" she asked as she saw his bag was packed and by the door.

"Yeah, I've got a lead on a case-I shouldn't be gone more than a week."

"Any case I know about?"

John thought for a moment, walking the line between the truth and coming up with something later, "It's Natalie-she's gotten herself into something deep and I have to get her out of it."

"Can't Bo do that? Or Rex-isn't he a PI?"

"Rex has apparently been working on it for a few weeks now and has come up empty-plus, I'm the one with the FBI contacts."

"Then give them the name of your contacts and let them find her-I'm pregnant with your child and you are just going to leave me without a goodbye?"

"I was going to tell you," he said, omitting that he was going to call her from the road. "And I know I have responsibilities here, but Natalie completely turned herself over to Mitch. I'm not going to let that monster hurt her," he said as he grabbed his bag and walked out. When the door was shut behind him he pulled the medal out of his pocket and looked down at it-praying that St Dwynwen would keep her safe until he could get to her.

* * *

Mitch Laurence turned his head away from the window to see his servant Nurse Charles walk in, "How is my wonderful bride today?"

"Excellent. She should be ready for you soon, Master."

"Wonderful, and she shall give me my heir. Does it look like her memories are returning?"

"No, not from what I can tell. The electro shock therapy seems to have worked perfectly and taken her back to where you were just married. She hasn't doubted anything we've told her so far."

"Very well. It was foolish of her to come to me and think I would let her live here along with all the tainted memories of those she cheated on me with while we were apart," he said as he looked back out of the glass to see her walking around the gardens.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hope everyone is still reading. Sorry for the short delay in posting this baby. The muse is quiet at the moment-I think she's holding her breath and waiting to see what the show gives her and if she feels she needs to do a rewrite or not. Ya'll enjoy! Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

John put down his binoculars and looked at his watch again-she was late. For the past three days she'd come outside and walked through the gardens of the compound at 9:30, and here it was going on 10 and she hadn't shown yet.

It'd had taken him a week of asking around for someone to finally make a random comment about this place-talking about the strangeness of their ways, and the creepy leader. It was then that he found out the FBI was already looking at this place, but not wanting another Waco they were keeping their distance until they knew something for sure.

And that was where Natalie came in-he refused to thinking he was using her to gain access to Mitch for them. He'd used her as a pawn in the beginning with the whole Flynn thing, and swore never again to do that-though she somehow seemed to put herself in that position multiple times, nearly giving him a heart attack each time.

It was for that reason he'd snuck down to the compound last night-it seemed too easy, and he wondered if he'd given himself away. If that was why she hadn't shown yet. He'd give her a few more minutes then was calling his contact and they'd set the raid in motion. He felt that he needed to hold the medal and say a prayer like he had been, but since he couldn't he just took a deep breath and picked back up the binoculars.

A flash of red caught his eye and the breath flew out of him, there she was-in the same simple white dress she'd been wearing everyday. She looked beautiful in it, but it still unnerved him to see her not wearing more color. As she began to walk towards the garden he held his breath again to see what her response would be.

* * *

Natalie walked towards the garden in deep thought-her memories weren't returning yet, her husband suggested they might never, and yet something inside her was screaming this wasn't right. That the stories he was telling her of how her family shunned her after they got married years ago didn't seem to ring true.

The nurse had told her the wonderful news that she was ready to carry his child and maybe they would be lucky tonight. She wasn't sure how she felt like that-had they discussed children? She'd never thought she would be a good mother-looking at Roxy she was exactly what a mother should not be.

She wished she had a friend to talk to-having supposedly lived here for years she would have expected to have made a close friendship with someone by now, but that didn't seem to be the case. It almost seemed like the rest of the people living in this group were almost afraid of her.

Continuing through the garden she saw the sun hit something that was under one of the rose bushes. Getting closer she leaned down and picked it up-it was a medal of some kind. Reading the word underneath it she hesitated at saying the word, it seemed like a garble of letters that didn't make complete sense, "Dwynwen."

Studying the face she wondered-what did this woman give up in order to help others. What was her story that she was still remembered and looked at for guidance by others. Brushing the thoughts away she slipped the medal in her pocket. It was strange enough to find it here-where she was sure her husband wouldn't agree to it's meaning, but it still tugged at her. Spoke to her so she somehow felt safe again.

Hearing her name she turned around to see him walking towards her, "Good morning, husband," she said as she put on a smile.

* * *

John finished putting on his gear-he hadn't watched Natalie interact with Mitch long, just a few seconds made his stomach hurt and something was yelling at him that this was all off. That the deal she'd talked about in the letter was broken and that gave him enough of a reason to enter the compound and get her out.

Hearing a commotion behind him he looked to see Rex standing there arguing with a Fed. How in the hell did he find him here? Sighing he walked over to the two, "Go home, Balsom."

"No, not without Nattie. Are you all going in now?"

"Yes, and you aren't," he said as he began to walk away.

"You're going to need someone else she trusts, McBain. Someone you know will get her out safely and watch her until you get done with Mitch," he shouted.

John turned and nodded to the other man to let him through, pulling him off to the side as he handed Rex a bulletproof vest, "Something isn't right. I don't know what it is-but Natalie's not reacting to things the way I think she should."

"Things?" he repeated. "Like what."

"I don't have time now. Just remember I'm in charge-and once you get Natalie I want you out of this place immediately. If she fights you-fight back harder."

"Fights me? Why-?" he stopped the question as John nodded and they went back to the group for one last rundown of duties before going in to rescue someone that meant so much to both of them.


	4. Chapter 4

He motioned for Rex to stay back and was surprised at his willingness to comply. Motioning at the Fed on the other side of the door he put up three fingers and slowly put one down at a time and then kicked the door, John going high and the other going low, "Freeze!" he shouted and walked into what he expected. Natalie sitting there on the edge of the bed with Mitch infront of her beginning to undress her.

He swallowed back the bile in his throat at the scene as he reached for Mitch and pulled him back, "Mitch Laurence you are under arrest."

"Mitch Laurence. You told me it was Michael Lazarus," said Natalie shakingly as she stood up and backed herself further into the room. "You-you're the man that stole me from my family when I was a baby."

"But we love each other now. God knows we are to be one."

"Shut up, Mitch," growled John as he jerked his handcuffed arm hard. "Natalie-it's ok. Just go outside."

"I don't know you. Why should I listen to you?"

"Balsom," he shouted towards the door and Rex jumped into the room and over to his sister.

"Rex," she shouted as she curled into his arms. "You're alive-he told me you were dead," she sobbed as the tears wettened his shirt.

"Shh," he said, rubbing her back and walking her out of the room.

* * *

John walked back down the hallway to see Rex standing outside the interrogation room door that Natalie was in. He was nervous and fidgity, but John couldn't blame him-he was ready to get in to see Natalie and then they all get out of this place and as far away from Mitch as possible. But first they'd brought in a doctor to evaluate Natalie.

"The doc still in with her?" he asked as he reached Rex.

"Yeah. Listen-John I want to thank you for finding her. I sucked as a brother when I got that letter and didn't tell anyone. It's just-."

"Don't worry about it. She's safe and we know how strong she is. She'll bounce back from of all of this and hopefully be our Natalie soon enough," he said as he thought of how she'd looked at him as a stranger when they got to the police station.

"Yeah," said Rex as the doctor came out and he jumped at the chance to speak first. "How's my sister?"

"Physically she's fine-she says he hadn't touched her like that-kept saying they must wait until the time was right. Mentally-she has no memories between marrying Mitch Laurence and a week ago. I think it will come with time-I don't see why not."

John nodded in agreement, "Can I talk to her?"

"Sure, but be easy on her. She probably doesn't want to warm up to anyone but her brother right now," said the doctor and left.

"I'm going to go talk to her. I-uhm-if you were to go down to Mitch's holding cell and pound his face in once or twice the Fed watching him won't see anything," he said to Rex with a half grin and went in the room.

She was sitting there quietly in that damn white dress-he should have told Rex to go pick something up for her to wear home. Sitting down across from her she wouldn't look him the eye, "It's ok, Natalie. He's not going to come after you again, I promise."

"Good," she nodded.

"How are you feeling? What exactly happened while you were with him?"

"Why should I answer your questions-you don't know me," she said, her eyes burning with anger.

John laughed, he had to-he knew her as well as anyone, and better than some family members, "I don't? I know you went to three different schools in 4th grade because Roxy kept getting kicked out for not paying rent. I know that only once did you ever have a real tree for Christmas-until Roxy came in drunk and nearly burned the house down. Before and after that it was plastic, decorated with pink boas and stars cut out of tinfoil.

"I know you gave Rex Mrs Grundy when he left to live with Aunt Corrine," he said as he thought of the time she actually showed him Mrs Grundy and they went into further details of their childhood that night. How he'd wished he could take all the hurt away then, and what she again was feeling because she hadn't moved past it yet in her mind.

"Anyone could find out that information-or just ask my family."

"I suppose," he said with a thoughtful nod. "I know you were seven years old when you fell from the monkey bars and sprained your ankle for the first time. That you were eight when you snuck into your first casino. And you have a 'c' shaped scar on the bottom of your foot from when you were twelve and stepped on a broken bottle that Roxy had left in the middle of the kitchen floor."

"Is that so?"

He didn't have to dig deep to come up with something so personally intimate to get her to believe him. He leaned in and whispered it in her ear, and when he pulled back she was turning red because a man who she saw as a stranger would actually know something along those lines. It was always at that moment he knew he was dreaming of her because it never came through in the dream.

"Well?"

"Ok, so-yeah, I guess it's possible you know me."

John grinned at watching her try and brush it off as nothing, "I guess so."

"Then this must belong to you," she said as she pulled the medal out and pushed it towards him.

"Yeah, thanks," he said as he took it and flipped it over a few times while thinking how much had changed since the first time she gave it to him.

"Who is she? St Dwynwen," she asked and he watched the wall come down just a bit.

"She asked God to look kindly on the hopes and dreams of true lovers," he said as he finally looked up to see her eyes locked with his. Blue on blue, and suddenly he wasn't sure what to do next. "Well, I think we're done here-anything else can be finished up in Llanview. Let's get home."

"Sure," she said as she watched him leave and wondered exactly what he meant to her.


	5. Chapter 5

Rex stood back and watched his sister as she got out of the car and looked up at Llanfair. They'd made it back to Llanview and gone seperately from John, Rex having to promise to make sure she got home safely and stay if she needed him.

He'd wanted to laugh at the look on John's face when they arrived at the airport and the Buchanan jet was waiting, but he still felt bad for the reason he'd got to use it in the first place. He was supposed to find John, tell him what had happened, and continued the search for Natalie except John was all but rescuing her as he'd shown up so he hadn't.

He did text Bo when they got on the plane that they had Natalie and all three were coming home-and John knew nothing. The flight had been Natalie talking non-stop, asking about everyone and everything-with Rex answering all of it. He'd seen bits of memories come to her as he told her something, and yet none of the memories seemed to contain her life with John.

But now-with her standing here she was silent, and he wondered if the emotions she was feeling were so close to what he felt when he came here the first time all those years ago to be reunited with her. "You ok, Nattie?"

"It just feels weird. Like I shouldn't belong here."

"Don't think that-it's your home and has been for the most part of eight years," he said as he put his hands on her arms to get her to relax.

"Do I ring the doorbell or walk in?"

Rex laughed, the final tension releasing itself now that they were home. He leaned around her and opened the door, taking her hand and easing her into the foyer. "Hello?"

"They're here," shouted Jessica as she rushed in and pulled Natalie into a hug. "Don't ever do that to me again, ok?" she whispered before pulling back and looking her sister straight in the eye, "I don't care about being safe-just don't leave me like that. I can't lose you."

"Ok," said Natalie with a shy smile as Viki walked in foyer and she got rigid, "Mom?"

"Sweetheart," she said as she pulled her into a hug and felt the tension in Natalie body. "What's wrong?"

Natalie looked at Rex who took the lead, "Let's sit down so I can explain it all," he said as they went into the living room and took seats. "Mitch did something, we're not sure if it was complete electro-shock therapy or only partial, but it caused Natalie forget everything from when she married Michael Lazarus to now."

"Oh baby," said Viki as she took Natalie's hand and held it.

"He also told Natalie some lies which I think we've gotten through and she knows they aren't the truth now, but-."

"I've just got to get used to how things are," spoke Natalie. "I'm remembering bits already-it's just going to take time, that's all."

"And we'll give you all the love and time you need. Don't be scared."

"I'm not. I'm just glad that Rex and John saved me when they did."

"John stayed?" asked Jessica.

"I-I couldn't tell him. I found John right before they did the raid on the complex, and it seemed better if I just let him come home not knowing anything."

"It doesn't matter now-the only thing that does is Natalie is home safe," said Vicki as they heard the patter of feet and suddenly Bree showed up.

"Aunt Nattie!" squealed the girl and ran to her, throwing her arms around her neck and holding on tightly.

"Oh sweetie," said Jessica as she tried to pry her daughter away.

"No, it's ok. I missed you Bree," she said as she stroked the girl's long blonde hair.

"I'm going to go," said Rex, taking this opportunity to see himself out. "You going to be ok?"

Natalie nodded as Bree finally let her death grip lessen, "I promise I'll call if I feel I need you," she said as he gave her a kiss and began to leave, looking back one more time to see her talking with her niece, thanking God that his sister was safe.

* * *

John hit the delete button and went to the next e-mail. He was wasting time here and he knew it-there was no reason he had to come into work after leaving Rex and Natalie, and yet he wasn't ready to go home. He wondered if he should stop by and check on Natalie, but then what was the use-she had no memories of him and it hurt him deep.

He'd sat quietly for nearly all of the flight as she asked Rex questions about her life and he'd answer-telling her how she was married to both Cristian and Jared, explaining carefully what happened to end both marriages. John had watched as she remembered bits of both times Cris came back, and talking to Jared at the hospital moments before he died, but neither time did she give any inclination that she remembered him being involved.

He'd always believed they had this connection and now he questioned if it was ever really there or he just imagined it. When they'd gotten back to the Llanview Airport she'd almost walked away without looking at him-but at the last second she just turned and said a simple thank you. That was all-no smile, no hug which he longed for after rescuing her. Just a thank you and then she was gone.

He'd had enough time to brood over it, he thought as he turned off the computer and went for his jacket. He saw Bo walking towards his door and went out to greet him, "Hey boss."

"Hey-just wanted to see how everything went."

"Good," he said after hesitating, and the continued to explain himself. "Natalie has slight amensia right now, she's remembering pieces of her old life, but it's selective. We still aren't exactly sure what Laurence did to her."

Bo nodded in understanding, and felt he had to ask the question, "Have you talked to Marty?"

"No-I was headed back to the hotel now. Why?"

Bo knew he should have stayed quiet, that he was breaking his promise to Nora to not tell John about the baby. That it was between him and Marty-and it would be Marty that would have to explain her actions to John, "I-just-she'll tell you."

"Tell me what?" he asked as he put his jacket on. Something in Bo's eyes told him this was bad, and he began to tense up, "Is she ok? Is something else wrong with the baby?"

John had backed him into a corner and he had to give his friend an honest answer, "She lost the baby." A normal person would have shown emotions, but Bo watched John's expression remain the same, but knew what was going through his mind was a mixture of guilt and pain.

"So Balsom coming to find me was her idea?"

"No, it was Nora's. Marty's been grieving alone, and Nora didn't know what else to do. She figured if you were back then maybe Marty could come to grips with it all better."

John nodded, but was confused-it felt like Bo was trying to shorten the story for his benefit, "When did this happen?"

"Two days after you left. I'm sorry John."

"Thanks. I'll-I'll see ya," he said as he left, completely unsure of what else to say.

* * *

"Coming," called Natalie as the doorbell rang and she saw no one else was around. Opening the door she saw a blonde woman she had no memory of, "Hi-are you here to see Jess?"

"No, it's you I want to talk to Natalie," she said as she sized her up. "I see you are all back home safe and sound now."

"Yeah, I guess I am," she said nervously. "I'm sorry-this is going to sound strange, but-"

Marty cut her off so quick she had no time to respond, "So are you proud of yourself? Proud that you caused me to lose John's child."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't pretend like you haven't heard yet-he left me in a high risk pregnancy to go searching for you and I ended up losing his child. And it's all your fault."

"I don't know how him not being around made you lose your child-or how I'm to blame. From what I've heard the only person I told was my brother, and that was after I left-with instructions not to find me."

"That's just it-he can't not look for you, and the stress of worrying for his safety caused me to miscarriage. It's all your fault."

"Fine, sure. Make it my fault. Why not?" hollered Natalie back at her.

"And if you think this is going to break us up you are wrong. This will make us stronger," she said as she got directly into Natalie's face.

"Back off now Marty!" yelled Jessica as she ran down the stairs to protect her sister. "I'm sorry you lost your baby-but friend or not you will not come into my mother's home and attack my sister."

"She needs to realize there are consequences to her actions."

"Oh, yeah? What do you think are going to be the consequences of you not telling John when you lost the baby? How myself, Nora, Bo, and Cole all told you he'd be home in a few hours if you'd just let us call."

"He'll understand."

"Sure," snorted Jessica and looked to see Natalie had disappeared. "You can show yourself out," she said as she left the foyer and went into the living room to see Natalie was sitting on the edge of the ottoman with her head down. Coming over she sat beside her and put an arm around her, "She's gone-you ok?"

Natalie shook her head and wiped away some of the tears, "I don't know. Am I still that bad of a person now? Have I not changed in all the years I've forgotten?"

"No, you aren't. You are my sister and you will give up your life for the sake of others. How do you think we got to this point anyways?" she laughed.

"I know that, but did I really do all this to get John to chase after me?"

"No," said Jessica loudly and then began to rub Natalie's back. "John came after you because he had to-you two have this connection and since Jared died you two have slowly began to be back in each others orbits."

"When Jared was alive did I see John much?"

"No. I mentioned it once to you and you shrugged and changed the subject."

"You obviously have your own theory," said Natalie, the beginnings of a smile forming.

"All you two have ever wanted was to make the other happy, and seeing the other-well, with someone or not it hurt to remember your life together. Do you remember anything about him yet?" asked Jessica.

Natalie shook her head and stood up, "Nothing yet. I think I'm going to lie down for a bit."

"Ok, if you need anything let me know," she said with a smile and watched her sister leave. It was surprising that of all the relationships-family or otherwise, it was the strongest one Natalie was still completely in the dark on.

* * *

John sat there in the apartment waiting-after talking to Bo at the station he'd gone by the hospital, but Marty had left for the day. He'd beat her back here, and wasn't sure what he was going to say when she walked in that door. What do you say to someone that lost your baby and decided not to contact you?

At hearing the key in the door John had his eyes on her the second she walked in.

"Oh, you're home," she said, trying to act surprised and that she wasn't aware of that already.

"Yeah, got in a couple hours ago. I think there's something you need to tell me," he said and stood up, not sure where exactly to start. 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Final chapter-Yay! Thank you all for patience and love. This story really was fun to write-at the time I had no real interest in writing a full story, but had 3 scenes I wanted so badly to write that I got them to mesh together and create this fic. The other scenes were the first scene of the whole story and the idea of Natalie giving into Mitch (with John there to rescue her) The last scene I wanted to write is the last first and last scene of this chapter. Until next time-ya'll are the best! ~PCGirl.

* * *

John sat against the end of the bed-a beer in hand. The past week had been crazy-one minute he thought he was going to be a father, and the next one he found out he hadn't been for weeks and yet Marty hadn't thought it would be in his best interest to tell him. As if he didn't care.

She'd dumped him today-actually tonight as he closed up Rodi's. Told him she'd seen how he kept glancing over at Natalie when she'd come in with her sister earlier. That it was obvious he still cared for her, and that she couldn't be in a relationship with two people at the same time.

Of course he still cared for Natalie-but right now it didn't matter because she didn't remember a thing about their relationship. He'd actually called Crosby earlier in the day to talk about Natalie's memories. But he'd told him to let her be-that it was dangerous to try and push memories onto someone that wasn't ready to receive them yet.

Going over to the bottom drawer of the dresser he pulled out a box and began to look through it. He wondered if Marty had ever snooped and found it. Wondered what she would say if she knew she was right and that he still held onto something that had been gone for years.

It was ironic that the item on top was the last part of their relationship he still had. He could recite the items on the paper by heart—bread, toilet paper, tissues, John's ice cream, paper towels, beer, snacks, soap, cereal.

He went through other items on the box, letting himself commiserate again on letting her slip so far out of his life that when she gave up everything for her family's safety that her memories of him didn't return as well.

Shaking it all off he had to get out of here-there were too many memories living in this room now that it was suffocating him. He'd never abandon them

* * *

Natalie sat straight up in the bed-looking outside she saw it was already dark. How long had she slept? When the light from the lamp filled the room she began to remember her dream.

She'd been in a hole in the ground-dark, damp, and alone. She remembered notching out footsteps at the wall and climbing. Climbing all the way to the top and trying to get out and just as suddenly she was falling. It had been the fall and hitting the cold wet ground that had woke her up-was it all her imagination or had that really happened to her?

It had been a week now, and while most memories had come back the ones that hadn't were what puzzled her the most. Jessica's constant asking if she remembered John McBain was the most. If he'd been that big a part of her life why did she remember nothing?

Getting out of bed she went to the closet-she'd seen the edge of a box on a high shelf and decided to investigate it.

There was no writing on the outside of the box, but opening it she found odds and ends-everything seeming foreign to her. The first thing she saw was a napkin from Rodi's-with John's name written on it, and a number below. She smirked at questioning why she would keep it, and then remembered something.

_So what do you say? One last game, winner keeps the table. That's more like it._

Are you setting me up, McBain, hustling me?

It's a good table. You didn't think I was going to give up that easy, did you?

And - um - I'll miss you.

Well, I tell you what, here's my number. Maybe you'll use it sometime.

I will. 

She smiled-it wasn't much, but it was a start. Putting the paper to the side she picked up a photo of the two of them. It looked like it was outside of Rodi's again, "Rodi's must be our place," she said out loud and let another memory come back.

_"Hey kids, what are we celebrating?" asked Rex as he saw the two of them hand in hand walking towards Rodi's._

"I made it into the Forensic program," smiled Natalie proudly, and looked up at John.

"Congrats, Natty," said Rex as he gave her a hug. "Like we ever doubted it. Right, John?"

"Definitely," he nodded, rubbing Natalie's neck.

"Let's take a picture to commemorate the moment," said Rex as he randomly pulled out a camera and the two posed.

Her mind ran with thoughts at the end of the memory. Had she made it through the program? What had caused her and John to break up? Looking deeper into the box she saw the edge of a chain in the bottom of the box, and pulled it out, looking at the charred remnants of a medal. "Who were you?" she wondered out loud as she remembered a scene.

_"Yeah, they - they say that St. Jude's supposed to look after cops."_

"Actually, St. Michael is the patron saint of policemen. St. Jude is for lost causes."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's supposed to make the impossible possible."

"Big job. Merry Christmas, John."

She smiled at the memory, and suddenly another memory flashed in front of her. One with her Uncle Bo placing the now charred medal in her hand.

Her breath hitched as she felt the pain of losing him once again. Even though she knew he was alive and well on the other side of town it hurt to relive the memories of a world without him. And she realized she needed to get to him now.

* * *

John walked back into the room-the cool night air on the roof had settled him some. Maybe he'd go talk to her tomorrow-have her come with him to the roof or Rodi's-despite what Crosby had said earlier and help her remember them.

He stopped when he saw the mass huddled on the floor by the bed-the light from the lamp he'd left on shone on her hair, and he knew it was her, "Natalie," he whispered as he rushed to her side and found her asleep.

Pushing some hair out of her face he spoke softly, "Hey-wake up."

Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled, "John."

"Yeah, what are you doing here?" he asked as he noticed the items he'd left on the floor and another box with items in it he thought he'd never see again.

"I started remembering," she said as she sat up and put the box she'd brought with her in her lap. "At first it was small things-like these," she said motioning to the napkin and picture. "But then-I found St Jude. I had to see you."

John smiled as he pulled out the piece of medal that was left and rubbed it between his fingers, "I guess he helped us find each other again. Maybe St Dwynwen helped some too," he said as he pulled it out from his pocket and handed it to her.

"Hopes and wishes of true lovers," she said quietly to herself. "It's a big job."

"Yeah," he nodded in thought, and then quickly pulled her in for a kiss.

"John," she said as she pulled out of it and stared into his blue eyes. "What does it all mean?"

"I don't know," he said shaking his head. "All I know is I need you-tonight and always."

"I like that idea," she said as they abandoned all the memories that sat on the floor and began to create new ones together.


End file.
